Song of the day: “Things” by Robbie Williams and Jane Horrocks. I know it’s not the original, but what can I say, my mind has a mind of its own, and apparently it likes this one better. Hah.
So yeah, events have been at a bare minimum lately, so there really isn’t all that much to tell about any of that, much to my regret. So what can we talk about today? My mind has been tumbling a lot lately, and I am trying to sort through it all. So, rather than keep it all in, let’s see if I can create some order in the chaos.
What is the problem…I am not entirely sure if it is a problem, I just know that this supposed problem doesn’t work well for me. You see, I have this somewhat compulsive “need” to please. Not just one person, or two. No, basically I don’t want to disappoint anyone, and as you might start to comprehend, this can be a slight problem.
Realistically speaking there is no way in heck that anyone can please everyone, and therein much of my turmoil nests…okay, that is a strange turn of phrase, I know, but it seemed to fit at the time. Hah.
I mean, think about it, you want to be fair and do this and that just right, but in the eyes of the other person that can be just the wrong thing (subjective opinions and all that) while you try to do this and that just so for the other person, who then in turn doesn’t agree with it either. Puts you kind of in the middle of something, doesn’t it?
Very frustrating, and it can get you into knots for sure. I would have sworn that my ulcer was returning this past week. Luckily all this sorting in my head is slowly shlogging me back to my previous equilibrium. Almost there. *sigh*
But anyway, knowing in your head that you can’t please everyone, doesn’t help either. I’ve known this to be a truth for ages, and yet I often find myself feeling poorly just because I disappointed someone who, as it turned out, had higher expectations than I was able to live up to.
Does that mean that I did something wrong? Does that mean I didn’t do my best.
No.
Luckily I have come to a point in my life where I can take enough distance of these whacky mind wobbles and look back upon my actions fairly.
I do my best, and no one can realistically expect me to do more than that. If they do, that is their problem.
Which brings us to my previous problem, doesn’t it. My need to please. Grrr.
I don’t just want to say “f**k you and your expectation”, I mean besides finding the-need-to-please vastly annoying, nothing is worse than bad manners. Seriously, if you look at the world today the main problem you see basically anywhere is bad manners…but I’ll get back to that later. Another thing that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.
Where was I…right: What to do?
How does one find balance between doing your best and making yourself sick with trying to bend over backwards to please others.
It’s a pickle isn’t it?
Supposedly I could go to the other person(s) and demand that they not have such high demands of me and that if everyone just does their best life might get a lot more pleasant for everyone involved, but seriously: This is MY problem. Expecting others change would be just as unrealistic as others trying to change me.
I do like the phrase that you cannot change anyone or anything except yourself, and try to live by that . So how can I change. How can I get to a point where I can take a moment to look at my actions and decide whether or not whatever turmoil I experience has the right to be there.
Wouldn’t that be grand?
To me it would be, which is why these thoughts have been tumbling through my mind for days. I think that I have come to that point where I can handle it again and say “I won’t care about things that I cannot change.” Instead I will focus on finding that balance within myself where I can do my best and then let go the consequence of how this is perceived by others. I have no control over the latter so I will look upon it as the adventure of “cause and effect”. I’ll do my part in this dance called life and try to enjoy the steps along the way without expectations.
If nothing else, it will be less wearing on the soul that way, won’t it? Hah.
As to manners. Gawd, call me terribly old fashioned, but I have a sincere dislike toward folks without basic manners. And I don’t mean the old rules of “good morning” and “good evenings” and “thank you, ma’am”s, but the basic manners of not treating others different than the way you want to be treated.
Have you noticed how so very few people maintain common courtesy in the face of what I can only describe as simple laziness. “Can’t be bothered” seems to be the overall attitude, which is a pity. It makes life a lot less pleasant than it can be.
I could talk on about that particular subject endlessly, even give you fine examples, but that’d just be preachy, wouldn’t it.
So what else can we talk about? Dogs? Well, at the moment they’re not doing badly, but I don’t want to jinx it, or anything. Let’s just say at the moment there is nothing massive going on with the dogs either, which I’m going to see as a blessing. Hah.
Finally went on a run again last night. It was really necessary for my own state of mind (have you noticed how taking stuff personally can mess you up completely?) as well as Knight II who's been more than a little bonkers lately just because he doesn't get enough exercise. So I ran (he trotted) a wonderful stretched out run that was going so perfect that was I was smiling most of the way...right until I went down the slope and had to catch myself on my bad heel. Yep. That hurt. Bad! Almost went flat on my face, but didn't. Caught myself, limped a little, did some stretches of the friggin foot and managed to finish the jog at a slower pace, (running on the front of my feet) and with pauses to stretch in-between. Sure, last night I could barely walk, and this morning wasn't any better, but it was worth that stretched out run I started with. I was flying, baby...and not panting like a moron while I was at it. Hah. Nah. I'll do my stretches, keep walking right, and take this slight discomfort like a man...gladly even for that experience. Yay.
The weather has turned from springy, to downright summery. Seriously, last week I’m still wearing flannel blouses, and now I’m at a point where I’m seriously pondering bikini tops just to get some coolness on my skin. Hah. Blast the fact that the pool isn’t functioning…stupid pump and filter died on us, meaning that either we’re without a pool this year, or we have to splurge on a new system. We’re still considering our options.
Cooking lately has been about filling my stomach rather than anything else. Am going for veggies every day, but it is nothing to write home about, so to speak. Time…tis the bane of our existences, isn’t it?
Well, that’s it for today. I’m thinking of making patties tonight, which should see us through the next few days with proper nourishment, eh?
