The need to please?

Song of the day: “Things” by Robbie Williams and Jane Horrocks. I know it’s not the original, but what can I say, my mind has a mind of its own, and apparently it likes this one better. Hah.

So yeah, events have been at a bare minimum lately, so there really isn’t all that much to tell about any of that, much to my regret. So what can we talk about today? My mind has been tumbling a lot lately, and I am trying to sort through it all. So, rather than keep it all in, let’s see if I can create some order in the chaos.

What is the problem…I am not entirely sure if it is a problem, I just know that this supposed problem doesn’t work well for me. You see, I have this somewhat compulsive “need” to please. Not just one person, or two. No, basically I don’t want to disappoint anyone, and as you might start to comprehend, this can be a slight problem.
Realistically speaking there is no way in heck that anyone can please everyone, and therein much of my turmoil nests…okay, that is a strange turn of phrase, I know, but it seemed to fit at the time. Hah.
I mean, think about it, you want to be fair and do this and that just right, but in the eyes of the other person that can be just the wrong thing (subjective opinions and all that) while you try to do this and that just so for the other person, who then in turn doesn’t agree with it either. Puts you kind of in the middle of something, doesn’t it?
Very frustrating, and it can get you into knots for sure. I would have sworn that my ulcer was returning this past week. Luckily all this sorting in my head is slowly shlogging me back to my previous equilibrium. Almost there. *sigh*
But anyway, knowing in your head that you can’t please everyone, doesn’t help either. I’ve known this to be a truth for ages, and yet I often find myself feeling poorly just because I disappointed someone who, as it turned out, had higher expectations than I was able to live up to.
Does that mean that I did something wrong? Does that mean I didn’t do my best.
No.
Luckily I have come to a point in my life where I can take enough distance of these whacky mind wobbles and look back upon my actions fairly.
I do my best, and no one can realistically expect me to do more than that. If they do, that is their problem.
Which brings us to my previous problem, doesn’t it. My need to please. Grrr.
I don’t just want to say “f**k you and your expectation”, I mean besides finding the-need-to-please vastly annoying, nothing is worse than bad manners. Seriously, if you look at the world today the main problem you see basically anywhere is bad manners…but I’ll get back to that later. Another thing that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.
Where was I…right: What to do?
How does one find balance between doing your best and making yourself sick with trying to bend over backwards to please others.
It’s a pickle isn’t it?
Supposedly I could go to the other person(s) and demand that they not have such high demands of me and that if everyone just does their best life might get a lot more pleasant for everyone involved, but seriously: This is MY problem. Expecting others change would be just as unrealistic as others trying to change me.
I do like the phrase that you cannot change anyone or anything except yourself, and try to live by that . So how can I change. How can I get to a point where I can take a moment to look at my actions and decide whether or not whatever turmoil I experience has the right to be there.
Wouldn’t that be grand?
To me it would be, which is why these thoughts have been tumbling through my mind for days. I think that I have come to that point where I can handle it again and say “I won’t care about things that I cannot change.” Instead I will focus on finding that balance within myself where I can do my best and then let go the consequence of how this is perceived by others. I have no control over the latter so I will look upon it as the adventure of “cause and effect”. I’ll do my part in this dance called life and try to enjoy the steps along the way without expectations.
If nothing else, it will be less wearing on the soul that way, won’t it? Hah.

As to manners. Gawd, call me terribly old fashioned, but I have a sincere dislike toward folks without basic manners. And I don’t mean the old rules of “good morning” and “good evenings” and “thank you, ma’am”s, but the basic manners of not treating others different than the way you want to be treated.
Have you noticed how so very few people maintain common courtesy in the face of what I can only describe as simple laziness. “Can’t be bothered” seems to be the overall attitude, which is a pity. It makes life a lot less pleasant than it can be.

I could talk on about that particular subject endlessly, even give you fine examples, but that’d just be preachy, wouldn’t it.

So what else can we talk about? Dogs? Well, at the moment they’re not doing badly, but I don’t want to jinx it, or anything. Let’s just say at the moment there is nothing massive going on with the dogs either, which I’m going to see as a blessing. Hah.

Finally went on a run again last night. It was really necessary for my own state of mind (have you noticed how taking stuff personally can mess you up completely?) as well as Knight II who's been more than a little bonkers lately just because he doesn't get enough exercise. So I ran (he trotted) a wonderful stretched out run that was going so perfect that was I was smiling most of the way...right until I went down the slope and had to catch myself on my bad heel. Yep. That hurt. Bad! Almost went flat on my face, but didn't. Caught myself, limped a little, did some stretches of the friggin foot and managed to finish the jog at a slower pace, (running on the front of my feet) and with pauses to stretch in-between. Sure, last night I could barely walk, and this morning wasn't any better, but it was worth that stretched out run I started with. I was flying, baby...and not panting like a moron while I was at it. Hah. Nah. I'll do my stretches, keep walking right, and take this slight discomfort like a man...gladly even for that experience. Yay.

The weather has turned from springy, to downright summery. Seriously, last week I’m still wearing flannel blouses, and now I’m at a point where I’m seriously pondering bikini tops just to get some coolness on my skin. Hah. Blast the fact that the pool isn’t functioning…stupid pump and filter died on us, meaning that either we’re without a pool this year, or we have to splurge on a new system. We’re still considering our options.

Cooking lately has been about filling my stomach rather than anything else. Am going for veggies every day, but it is nothing to write home about, so to speak. Time…tis the bane of our existences, isn’t it?

Well, that’s it for today. I’m thinking of making patties tonight, which should see us through the next few days with proper nourishment, eh?

Einstein hair?

Song of the day: “A new day has come” by none other than Celine Dion, of course. Don’t have her in my head often, do I? Anyway, gorgeous song.

So I survived…sorta anyway. The “sleep! A kingdom for sleep” feeling has eased to bearable levels, the cough is minimal, Einstein hair has been tamed (don't ask, don't imagine it; it's pure horror me with Einstein hair) and the nose is leaking only a little bit now. Yep, that’s got to mean that I’m still alive. Whether I want to be, is the question however. Hah.

Seriously, though. I had a wonderful workout today. Am weak, wobbly, and after punching the bag twelve times, I had to catch my breath for a solid five minutes, but I went through the whole routine (took forever) and was wonderfully sore afterward. The weather is getting more summery, so the temps were excellent for my workout. Yay.

No work for me today…other than stuff at home, of course. Everything is a mess, and the majority of yesterday morning was spent sorting through clean laundry, and cleaning up the corner that I call my room at the moment. It took some doing (it was a gawdawful mess, I tell ya) but it is semi-clean again.

Yesterday…oh my gawd. A complete day ruined on bureaucracy, thank you very much. You see, that whole debacle with grandpa’s drivers license, it just kept dragging on and on, and on. We had to go to Malaga for it, again, to get a temporary one, again (this is like the fourth, or fifth time that the real one has been “lost” in transit, somewhere) only to hear that we had to go to trafico (governmental building that handles anything that has to do with traffic, duh) to check if maybe, just maybe, they had finally managed to get a hold of it. So we went there. Big brother is feeling poorly at the moment (flu, we’re thinking) so grandpa and I went inside and ended up standing in line for more than a friggin hour…and that while it wasn’t even a busy day. Apparently they changed some sort of rule meaning that you can no longer just go there, but that you have to make an appointment either by phone or their webside. Aaaaargh. Almost weren’t helped at all. Luckily they quickly understood the ongoing problem, and finally at after 2 in the afternoon we finally came to the counter where I once again explained the problem
We were asked to “wait a segundito” and then, finally, finally, finally the guy returned with grandpas license in hand, actually cracking a joke. Nice guy at least.
Anyway, the only thing that bothers me now is that nine months from now grandpa will need to go through the entire mess once more to get his next license (above a certain age, you have to renew every two years. Aaaaargh!) The fun just never stops, does it?

But anyway, by the time we got back to the car, it became clear that there might be something wrong with it. Underneath the hood a nice puddle of black-ish liquid was on the ground. I had already felt that the brakes were a little odd during the course of our ride there, so with the proof of something wrong right there to see, I made a beeline for the garage where our mechanic suggested we hitch a ride home rather than risk driving in the car some more. He was going to need some time to figure out the problem, he said. So our baby is over there, waiting for its turn to be fixed, and we’re without proper transportation. *sob*

Ah well, a good excuse to stay home with the doggies, isn’t it? They're doing relatively well, by the way...although Knight licked his foot open again this morning, bloody eejit.

Nothing nice to mention about cooking. Didn’t do all that much of it, only for nutritional purposes and then only on the run, since whenever I had a moment, I’d try to catch some zzzzzs . Still recovering, and all that.

Didn’t do much of anything writing wise, my head just isn’t screwed on right, if you know what I mean. Might get some done tonight, if nothing wonky happens…no reason there should, but don’t it always happen that when I plan on writing on any given day that something will happen to stop me from doing so. Grrr. So we’re going to wait and see. Keep yer fingers crossed for me.

Well, I can’t think of anything remotely interesting to write right now, so this will have to be it. Gotta go.

Out and down

Song of the day: “Que Cera Cera” by Doris Day, of course.

I would like to say that lots of exciting stuff happened this past week, but nope. I’ve been sick as a dog, and when I say sick, I would had myself put down just to be rid of the misery. Jeez. It started with a simple throat ache, which spread to my nose, then started sinking into my lungs…which I just barely stopped with some meds, thank you very much…at which time all I was doing was sleeping. And when I say sleeping, I’m talking 14 to 16 hours a day. Not in one piece, mind you. I did seven or eight in a row, then naps while the world around me kept spinning and tilting. It was weird, I tell ya. A nice bug for sure. Powerful, too. Took me five days to overcome it to the extent of being able to go back to work (little sister covered for me). Tried at four days, but when I got up to get ready to leave, I was about ready to drop down on my knees and cry for more sleep. So little sister went again, and I went back to bed. Slept four more hours and then spent the majority of the day reading a bit, sleeping some more, actually writing a bit, some writing and cooking supper four out of five days. Yay.

Yes, I am not completely useless…just a little. Hah

The doggies, for one, did fully enjoy my sickness. Seriously, Knight, Labhana, Dax and Sitabah spent the entire five days plastered to my side snoozing the day away, right along with me. If I hadn’t dragged my sorry behind out into the sun at least once a day they’d not even gone out for more than a pee, silly doggies.

Though little sister and middle sister both had the bug, it didn’t hit them as hard, and big brother got it last, and he is just feeling a little uncomfortable, nothing like me, so apparently I was the lucky one. Hah.

No matter though, today I was almost back to normal, so we can just forget all about the stupid flu.

As to writing. I did two to three pages, yay, which is bringing the “Gun” story one tiny baby step closer to completion. Characters are developing nicely, despite them being decidedly wonky. It should be fun seeing how they come along further up in the story. Right now it’s still up in the air.

Well, seeing as there is not all that much to tell, I’m going to leave this one short. Nothing of interest happening anyway. I’m going to bed soon.

Keep you posted.

"Get it off!"

Song of the day: “Living Darfur” by Mattafix. Gorgeous song, though admittedly when I first heard it some time ago, I thought it was a tall black woman singing. Little did I know that it was a short white guy. Hah.

Well, compared to the past few weeks this one was considerably mild. Was nice, though, having things quiet down a little…added to that we finally heard from town hall, and it is official, we have met the demands to satisfaction, so the complaint will be archived. Yay. Such a relief, that, at least we won’t have to worry about surprise inspections and whatnot anymore. Not that it changes anything, really. It’s all gone now, just a piece of land with a too small house on it. *snort* Ah well, will just have to rough it, won’t I?

So what have we been doing. There is the usual, which I can’t talk about, naturally. *sigh* But yesterday was out of the norm, which is definitely something that I can talk about.
We went for a road trip. And it was grand. We had to go to the insurance broker, again, (something is still off with the account) and then, rather than driving straight home, we went off road near La Cala (well, there was a short detour to the garage because apparently we suddenly sprung a leak in the brake fluid container. They’ll fix that come Thursday when we need to go in to have some other repairs done) and headed in-country. Gorgeous! Despite the fire damage of two years ago.
Never been to that side yet, and it was worth the trip. We went over tracks and mountain passes, regardless of mud, puddles and rain, and enjoyed the sights of blackened oaks with massive bursts of new growth. Red earth covered with a sheen of bright green grass and weeds, interspersed with yellow, pink and white flowers everywhere. We saw villas, ruins, partly finished apartment buildings and dilapidated structures aplenty. And then, while traveling down some unmarked path we discovered the back of a massive villa and practically stumbled upon a big red sign reading “Peligro grave! cocodrilo suelto”! Yes, you’re reading, or guessing that right. “Grave danger, crocodile on the loose” roughly translated. I couldn’t believe it myself, but there it was in red and white with behind it a nice big pond with reeds and low growth everywhere, and partway in the water what looked to be some sort of metal cage. Can you believe it? A crocodile on the loose? In Southern Spain. That is scary indeed, since that was a rather populated area. Let’s just hope that it was the owner’s idea of keeping the riffraff of his property, eh?
Didn’t see a crocodile, so it might have been just bollocks.

But anyway, we didn’t get home until after four in the afternoon when I decided that a short nap was in order. Woke up, startled really, two hours later with not a clue as to what time of day it was. Hah. Was nice. I guess I really needed that.

Did a nice spot of cooking. A stir fry rice veggie mix and a big batch of my chickpea patties. Since we have so little time to cook these days, I thought it smart to make some of the dough so we can bake a couple whenever we’re in too much of a rush to eat proper. Also made a strawberry pie, which worked out splendidly.

Had a nice workout today, albeit a short one. Finally got my boxing ball hanging again, and I kicked the carp out of that thing. Will have to make time for a proper session soon, though. This was barely enough to get my blood pumping, darn it. Be that as it may, some is better than none, so I’m not going to complain.

Got a new cream for Knight II’s paw, so I have taken off his sock (don’t gasp, it is very unbecoming) to let it dry a little, and have applied the white stuff liberally. Half an hour later, he’d licked it off, of course, so I had to reapply it and now, some odd five hours late, I’ve got to put new on again. The silly boy just doesn’t get it that he needs to leave that foot alone, darn it….worse, I got back from a trip and discovered that he really dug in again. I wonder what he thinks he’s about. Sometimes it seems as if he’s determined to amputate the darn thing. "Get it off! Get it off!!!" Silly boy.

The weather has been atrocious for the past week. I think we had a total of three days of rain, which made things really interesting in these cramped spaces. Everything is smelly and everything is dirty, so as soon as I find a minute, I’m going to have to do some serious cleaning in my corner. Today the weather cleared a little, thankfully, so it was actually quite pleasant to be out and about in the yard with the dogs.

There was a short incident with the sibs the other day. Middle and little sister had gotten a bottle of champagne each from a friend and got a little carried away since they figured it was such a low percentage. Before you know it they were more than a little cheerful and ended up hurling up the whole mess. Thankfully they were both cheerful drunks, and let us help them to bed to sleep it off…that was after we needed to unwrap them from the porcelain bowl, of course. *sigh* Ah, to be haplessly drunk…it happens to us all some day, doesn’t it? Poor darlings suffered the nauseating and dizzying consequences the next day, I fear. Hah.

As for me, I’ve been very disciplined lately with taking only one or two glasses of wine in the evening, more for medicinal purposes than anything…which will be the case tonight, because that jog, however pleasant, did take its toll on my poor foot. Yikes.

Might have a fence building job coming up in the near future, so it is going to take some planning to see how we’re going to fit that around our normal job. It’s a bit of a rush rob, so that means long days combined with our normal hours. We’ll see how that goes…better get some sleep tonight, because it looks like I’m going to need it. Still not getting enough hours, ya know.

Did get some writing done for the "Gun!" story, but not much. Characters are slowly starting to get some depth.

As for everything else going on…I’m drawing a blank and don’t feel like getting my diary to check the days out individually. You’ll have to do it with this little bit of fascinating information this weekend, I guess. Hah.

Gotta go.