Not good

Song of the day: “Foundations” by Kate Nash...at least I think it is Kate Nash. Hmmm.

At the moment I am experiencing some disturbing seesaw emotions, so I don’t know what good I will do writing this blog today. I am waiting for Mosha’s test results and feeling some trepidation as to the outcome. There is a part of me wishing (quite silly) to postpone knowing, and a part of me wanting to know so this wondering will be over. And yet there is another part that just wants to get it all over with. Suffice it to say, I am not good company today. There is this constant squeezing in my chest, like a pounding ache, that makes m want to burst out in tears every other minute. It’s friggin’ pissing me off. It is not as if I am not prepared for these kinds of stuff. Sure, it is a little faster than expected, but really, it will hurt just as much now (if it is even necessary. Who knows, the test results might show that it is just an infection, or something) as it would three or four years from now.
Why would something inside me scream, not now, not yet? What’s the difference? I’m going to have to face it one of these days anyway, right? Seriously, sometimes I don’t get my emotions. They’re just little sadistic masochists that want their fix, for as far as I can see.
I mean it, if the worst thing happens, my tears won’t be for Mosha, they’d be for me, and only me. No sense in thinking otherwise.

Ooohkay, flew a little off the handle there. Sorry. Let’s get on with this.

On the most part we’ve been working in the yard these past couple of days. What with spring rapidly progressing it is really necessary. Yesterday morning, for instance, was spent in the lowest part of the yard planting more than twenty pepper plants. The cute little buggers are standing really proud in the wind (there’s been quite a bit of that, by the way). The sun was hot, but the wind made it very pleasant…even though I ended up a little sunburned.
There were little fences of reed to make, which made the whole look even cuter, of course.

Edits got done, though less than should have been done due to a shortage of time. There was dirt to get yesterday after all, and we didn’t get home until midnight. The days are definitely too short for all the things that need to be done. *sigh*

We finished laying the first foundation of the wall, for which we used the big rocks we’ve been stocking up on. So it wasn’t funny carrying them to their places, but the first layer is in along with several wheelbarrows of concrete and cement that is to hold them together. It’s looking good.

Then this morning was spent turning some more earth and laying an old-fashioned rock wall (without cement) that is really more like a little barrier to hold dirt in place, and the planting of the small chard plants from the greenhouse. So we didn’t manage to get them all it, but digging rocks from the clay was rather good for my rather turmoil state of mind, not to mention the battle with the shovel that ended up with the breaking of thick metal. Weird how that happened, in particular since it was a semi-new shovel of only a year.

There is always weeding going on, of course, along with that pesky rooty grass which just keeps turning up everywhere. Ah well, guess it’s a good thing I don’t mind weeding, eh?

Well, gotta go.