To exist, or not to exist...that is the question. *snort*

Song of the day: “Coconut” by Harry Nilsson. It is more because of the fact that I have been playing it a lot lately, rather than anything else. Hah.

So…lots has happened since the last time I wrote, isn’t there? Yes, as mentioned during the last blog, the big move did happen, and as of last week (gawd, this week went fast!) we are in the Netherlands.

It was a long, long trip, following a similarly long day that involved going through the last bits that were still necessary to do before we got on the plane. There was that final check of the suitcases, sorting through old paint up by the gate (dogs had been going through the remainder of our stock for a while, searching for reptiles and rodents, no doubt) eating a proper meal, standing in my corner of the porch wondering what the heck I was forgetting and then heading out to deal with the final details of selling our Land Rover. It was a funny affair, really, in particular since none of us had a clue how to go about filling out the form and getting everything sorted while getting the payment over and done with. Were very much relieved when everything was signed and we had the money in our pockets. I don’t know why, but I kept worrying that something would go wrong and it just wouldn’t work out at the last possible moment. It did, though, and within an hour we were back at the house, meeting with the younger sibs to go over the final details of stuff they needed to know once we were gone. Left it a little late, but what the heck.

After all that, saying goodbye started, which was hard. Said goodbye to the family, not the dogs, mind you. For them I wanted it to seem as if we were just going out for the evening, nothing unusual, just a normal day for as far as they were concerned…I don’t think we pulled it off completely, but at least they weren’t too upset (like me) when T came to pick us up, and we loaded all our suitcases in her friend’s SUV. Then, while big brother went back to the house because he’d forgotten his phone (big brother has a tendency to do that), T and I stood crying our eyes out as we stood at the gate, looking in at the dogs, staring up at us with rather puzzled expressions on their faces. Bet they thought we were acting weird.

Anyway, I was a mess during the trip to the airport, but I managed to get things under control before we got there. Then saying goodbye to T made that worse again (she’s going to come visit in a few months, though, so it wasn’t for too long), before we had to hurry inside to load up our gazillion suitcases. (Not really a gazillion of them, but it seemed that way, hah.) Had a couple of pounds too many with us, but they didn’t make a fuss, so…yay! Customs didn’t make a fuss either, so that’s a double yay.

Then the waiting started of course; we had arrived on time, meaning that it took at least 45 minutes before the flight information appeared on the board. Tried to lose myself a little in reading on my tablet, but regretfully my thoughts kept straying, making the wait a little harder than it had needed to be.

Anyway, the flight was uneventful, and even shorter than usual, due to a brisk wind that swept us along. Then…there was more waiting. *sigh* Yep. The car rental agency wouldn’t open until seven, meaning we had to kill time at the airport for a whopping five hours, or so. Ate some…me with my leg up, because the dratted thing was pounding like mad…at a burger king…well big brother got it, while I watched our luggage, and tried to read some. Got more tired by the half hour, so we ended up searching for a horizontal surface where we’d be able to catch some Zzzzzs. Finally found a marble pyramid of sorts where other folks had already conked out, and both stretched out on one level, one hand on our luggage and then trying to sleep…did get a few winks, but not much. And by then it was five thirty, meaning that airport security came past, waking everyone up, and warning them that you were no longer allowed to lie down anywhere because the first stores around the airport were opening. So, we headed back the to rental desks, where we continued to wait until opening time…luckily the very nice girl working there gave us a nice hot, strong coffee, because she felt so sorry for having to make us wait until opening hours. But in the end, we did get our rental, and were on our way to the parking garage (the walk took forever, especially with the frigging pounding leg and by then shoulder, too) where we loaded everything up (it fit just barely) it a Citroën C3 and left the airport.

The weather here was…well, nicely fresh when we set out, and then rapidly gaining in heat as time passed. By the time we got to our new digs, the air was already getting muggy…as luck would have it we arrived in the middle of a heat wave, which was splendid with me wearing a supportive sock (mandatory still) for my leg. The house we’re staying until we find a rental, or some such, is an oldie…1930s at least…and not in a particularly good state, but it’s cute in its own way.

We disturbed our land lady just before she was about to hop in the shower…that shows us for thinking that the trip from the airport would take longer than it did…but she took, it well, and asked us to wait in the living room while she finished up.

The tour that followed after drinks and talk, was a short one, but I was seriously fading by then, so we headed on up to the attic (our intended living arrangement) where we conked out on a couple of mattresses. Sure, we had gotten the option of two rooms, one in the house and one in what used to be the warehouse office, (the latter big brother might take later on, once we’ve settled) but I like the attic with its niches and angles and pointy roof…despite it being the veritable oven on the afternoon of our first day there.

The siesta was not much of a success on my part. Of the three hours we spent on the attic, I caught an hour of sleep at most. I was just too wired, I guess, not to mention that the place was so dusty that I kept having tickles in my throat and nose. I don’t think that our land lady figured we would stick with the attic once we saw it, but it’s cute, you’ll see once I take some decent photos.

It was just dusty bare space when we got here, but now we have a couple of beds, a work corner, a small kitchen, with only a sink failing, and otherwise perfectly comfortable….or at least, it is now that it’s clean and furnished. Hah.

Bee rather busy since our arrival. There were groceries to do, of course, and going to second hand stores to get at least the most basic of furniture. Added to that, our land lady’s warehouse is filled with both treasures and junk and we’re more than welcome to help ourselves to the junk. Which we did. We’ve got a table for our kitchen, a couple of arm chairs, a nightstand, a couple of side tables, a really old, wobbly wardrobe and some lights. Added to that, she had a small cooking stove we could use and some chairs for the kitchen table. The rest; a nice wooden table to work at with our computers, a painting for the wall, a coat rack a couple of cupboards and basically we have all the comforts of home. Hah.

Since we are also free to borrow a couple of old bicycles, we have been mobile ever since returning the rental, and are slowly becoming familiar with the town.

Visited grandpa, cousin Ed and Tenant on Saturday, which wasn’t really a good visit, because, let’s face it, I was exhausted and not really good company. I was achy and so tired, that it took a lot not start crying at the drop of a hat. Strange how that works, eh?

The visit was mainly to bring more stuff to grandpa, and to pick up the suitcases big brother left there with his last visit. Again we had the car stocked, but since it was just the two of us on the way back, late at night, that wasn’t a bad thing. Sunday I spent cleaning. Hah.

Monday here was spent with official stuff, by the way. We had to go to town hall, signing ourselves into the municipality. We went there to gather information and instructions, but ended up with some papers for our land lady to sign and an appointment later that day. Got that all sorted, and were back with ample time for our appointment. So we explored the town for a bit, getting to know the lay of the land, so to speak. There was some confusion at town hall when we got there to register…partly because we had made our appointment on site, so the lady who was supposed to help us hadn’t refreshed her schedule and thus wasn’t where she was supposed to be. Secondly, we’d been away for so long that we were not present in the digital database…I know, how bad is that, eh? But, it was alright, the lady said she would just have to request a old fashioned verification, which could take up to two weeks. We were a bit disheartened afterward, since we had planned to get a bank account right after registering, which now wasn’t possible…yes, we’d checked, hah.

We were in luck, however, about thirty minutes later, we were still in the car on our way back to the place we’re staying at (this was on the day before we had to return the rental) when I got a phone call from the lady at town hall: she had found our information in an antiquated (I kid you not) database, and we were now fully registered. Phew. Big relief there. Went straight back to the center of town and the bank.

Were helped by a rather nice young man, he used to work in the hospitality industry, and we got to chatting while we were going through the tedious motions of getting a fully functional bank account. Ended up inviting him for dinner some day, together with his girlfriend, which should be fun if he even remembers.

Throughout the past week we have gradually been adding and improving the attic. Got some furniture now. There’re a couple 2^nd hand stores in the area and a free give-away charity shop, which has been tremendously helpful. Strange folk working there, mostly from rehab and such, but friendly none the less.

Had some rainy days, already. Have been experiencing trouble with the internet and phones, partly because there is something wrong with our new contracts. Very annoying, in particular because it was the weekend and there wasn’t anything we could do about it until Monday. Got that sorted, though, so this blog is posted with the new mobile connection, yay! It was all very complicated, so basically big brother who had been talked through it by customer service, had to talk me through it.

Next thing on the list was to request social security. I know, embarrassing, right? But what can you do. We’re broke, unemployment is high, even here, and until we find work, we need to live, naturally. So we went to the local office (in the rain on our new 2^nd hand bikes) only to hear that we have to apply for an appointment by phone or Internet. The latter we still didn’t have, and the first wasn’t picking up. So we went back to the land lady’s place and tried again. Got to the right place, explained my situation, and gave my important stats before I handed her over to big brother, who went through the same procedure. An hour later I got a call from the same lady, saying that my number wrong. The date of birth was correct, but the name popping up was completely wrong. She sounded out of sorts. So I explained, again, that due to the fact of us leaving the country before the digital era, we didn’t actually have that particular number, but that I would go to town hall to try to figure it all out.

Back on the bike, in the rain, and straight to town hall where we were, thankfully, sent through to the right desk where they dove into the computers in an attempt to locate me. Turns out that my last known address in the Netherlands was some hick town in east Spain. I don’t know how that happened, but we did finally ascertain that I exist. Phew. They were all very nice about it, it was just that everything that I’ve been doing this past week with that particular number, had to be redone today, including my spanking new bank account, which isn’t all that easy to do. Apparently, this number never changes, so the program doesn’t allow for changes in that particular section, or some such nonsense. *deep sigh* So, back to town hall, checking to see when I get confirmation about my residency next week, if it has that number and all my details on the paper, and I will have that, so, it should be possible to verify everything soon. Phew. What else can go wrong, I can’t help but wonder.

Once back at the house, another phone call for me (they do everything here by phone, which is taking some getting used to for me. I’m used to do everything in Spain in person), this time with the insurance company where I was trying to get myself insured because…you’re seeing this coming, aren’t you?...I used that wrong number there too. This one wasn’t as bad. They just say, apply for a new one, because the one with the wrong number will be dismissed anyway. Big relief, that.

What else…had visitors this Sunday. Remember when big brother and I went out to eat in Ronda last year, the friends up in the mountains, well, they’ve moved here last month as well, (wonderful to have familiar faces nearby) and they came over for tea, and cut veggie sticks to serve with a yogurt/garden herbs dip. Was a very nice afternoon, after a gorgeous bike trip through the local woods, right before.

Also spent some time in the yard, cutting back dead plants and trees, creating some order in a garden that has been suffering from some neglect lately. Love it. In particular since the weather wasn’t too cold…or hot, for that matter, meaning that I could shut down my brain (it wants to keep worrying about stuff I can’t change anyway) for a while, and just, BE.

Been exploring the local stores, looking for the best bargains where we can get food of affordable prices. Got a few spots where the prices are similar to those in Spain. At least food expenses here won’t been worse then over there…although here we won’t have those weekly donations of the drug rehab place.

As for our dogs…I try to think of them as little as possible, to be honest. Pim, grandpa’s cocker mix, left for Finland this morning (T was nice enough to let me know that it all went according to plan). Middle sister was kind enough to adopt my Dax, which is a relief. Part of the reason why I worried about leaving them with the sibs and mom in Spain was because that offer hadn’t been made prior to my departure, and considering Sitabah will be going to Finland in August to get her own new boss, I’m very happy that little Dax is with middle sister now. From what I’ve heard is that, they were a bit out of sorts those first few days, waiting at the gate for us, but slowly things are quieting down, and that’s for the best. Soon they will forget us…at least, that is what I keep telling myself. I do admit to finding that one of the hardest things.

Weather I am not sure who is better off. Here we have temps in mid-seventies, and in Spain they’re battling the triple digits since yesterday. What do you think…I had chattering teeth this morning. *sigh* Pros and cons everywhere, aren’t there?

Well, you’re all back up to date. I gotta go.

A quick place of our new attic.

 Needs work, but it is starting to be cosy at least.

Open to interpretation.

It is an eerily quiet evening. Thick clouds lay across the Mediterranean, cloaking the coast of Africa as the sun casts the sky in bright red and pink.

I feel a certain sense of unrest as the quiet becomes like a clogging presence on my senses and make me climb up the hill to look out over the valley, stretching down below straight to the shores of the pale gray sea.

The city is smog-covered, but still the air all around is crisp with a late autumn chill that penetrates my warm woolen vest that falls down to mid-shin. Around me the dogs move restlessly. They too sense that something is off, and utter an occasional whine when my eyes settle on a particularly dark patch within the clouds across the body of water in the south.

Suddenly, a blinding flash of lightning, or perhaps an explosion of sorts, bursts from within the threatening mass of black that suddenly rumbles and roars as the large gathering of heavy clouds surge forward, over-casting the sea with a gloomy shadow that hides the last remnants of the low beams of sunlight coming from the west.

I jump at the sound, backing off involuntarily as the dogs around me squeak in alarm and start running every which way. Another flash, this one bigger and longer than the first, breaks apart the rolling, violently moving mass, spreading out, heading towards the shore like some horror movie.
Blinking vigorously against the glare of light that seems to come from within the center of the tear-like zigzag I see widening right before my very eyes, I take but a moment before I gather my wits and dogs alike and hurry towards the house.

Stumbling down the uneven path, I see dark fluttering movements from my right, thinking, 'this can't be real' even as shapes burst forth from the light, flying -yes, flying, indeed- straight towards the shore, and inevitably our mountain.
Just as one of the glimmering shadows reaches the property, I slam the gate of the courtyard shut, frantically looking around to see if all the dogs are there and exclaim a sigh of mild relief when I watch the lot flee into the house.

Another roar shakes the ground under my feet, my balance challenged almost beyond managing, as powerful flapping overhead announces the presence of more of the... the living things gather over the property.
The sounds they make are deafening, making my ears hurt as I carefully -but as fast as possible- make my way to the door, where the dogs are barking like mad at the creatures that swoop down every so often, blowing fierce gusts of wind through the covered courtyard.

Desperately, I call out alarm to the rest of the family, grabbing the door post for balance when I find the main room of the house empty of any living creature except my own personal pack of dogs.
Overhead wooden boards that make up the ceiling, crack with a terrible sound of something heavy hitting it full force from straight above.
All around the walls begin to break, painted stucco changing into a mosaic of cracks while I dodge to the side, just when part of the ceiling comes crashing down.

I scream for the sibs and my mom, my voice not strong enough to overcome the now constant roar of what can only be mighty creatures swirling madly outside the house, slamming against the walls and roof we built so many years ago with so much diligence.

Skidding over rubble and splintered wood as above me the last remnant of the day's light falls inside through a large hole that was slammed through the roof. It gapes frighteningly as the walls that supported that part of the ceiling begin to crumble even more.

Calling out to my dogs, who miraculously actually listen, and obey, I stumble my way towards the corridor, diving into it when the first floor comes crashing down with a lot of noise, bringing with it a choking cloud of dust and sand as I elbow myself further into the narrow passage, squeezing my eyes tightly shut.

Somehow I know that little sister is upstairs in the tower, and no matter what -preferably before the patio roof comes down, too- I need to get there. Barely finding purchase on the debris littered tiles, I scrape my knee on a sharp edge sticking out of the wall to my left. Somehow one of the second floor wooden support beams has slammed straight through the wall, obstructing my way enough to make me climb over it, lest I be caught within the crumbling confines.

With the dogs pressing close to me, hindering my way even more, I manage to squeeze out into the patio when another violent collision with the eastern wall of the house makes the floor beneath my feet shake dangerously.
The water main has burst inside the courtyard, composting leaves raining down on the deep blue tiles and making them dangerously slippery as I mount the stairs for what seems to be an eternity.

Upstairs I hear a child cry, and I increase my efforts to climb up the steps that appear to crumble beneath my feet. The banister gives way when I grab hold, the moment everything around me shakes again and again, the sheer rock wall on my right breaking violently apart when the corrugated aluminum roof overhead is torn away with enough force to make me slam face down on the steps.

One of the dogs squeals frightfully, but a glance in old Bommel's direction shows him prancing agilely away from one of the steel supporters that came crushing down and he hurries after the others and me.
My ribs hurt, and my lower lip bleeds steadily, since the latest fall has made me bite through the soft tissue. Still, much to my own surprise, I manage to scramble to my feet once again and make it up the final steps leading to the tower.

The door, leading into the bedroom there, is closed when I reach it. The handle not budging under my shaking hands as a violent stream of stuttering wind beats at my back from where the patio roof once was.

"Tess!" I scream over the roaring sound of wind and moving creatures alike, throwing my full weight against the door time and again until it finally, and suddenly, it gives way, making me stumble into the room and come to a skidding halt when the southern wall that is no longer there makes the door swing in the open air.

I gasp at the destruction before me, remnants of the wall like battlements on some ancient castle while I slowly turn my head to the right where I know little sister's bed is supposed to be. There, some of the wall and ceiling are still intact, casting a gloomy crevice in the distant glow of the sun that has lowered down to sea level.

At first I see nothing within the darkness, until at last the scared pale face of little sister becomes apparent from behind a tilted wardrobe. The six-year-old's eyes are watery with tears and her face is smeared with dust and dirt alike when I stumble in her direction muttering something about everything being alright and for her to come to me.

Support beams lay in disarray across the distance that still separates us, but with some effort I reach her at last and lift her onto my hip... as I feel frantically for damage on her young and fragile body.
The fierce growls and howls of the dogs make me spin on my heel to stare open-mouthed when suddenly a large threatening shape appears right there, floating... flying in front of where the wall had once circled the tower room.

It is huge: Shimmering scales covering a chest that is twice the size of my body, as gigantic wings spread out for a good twenty feet in both directions.
They flap sluggishly and a large intricately shaped head moves this way and that on a thick, yet snake-like, neck. Long tendrils protrude from arching cheekbones and pointed ears alike, as a tuft of what appear to be deep red and blue scales, dangles elegantly from a viciously toothed snout. Unlike hair, the tendrils defy gravity, moving almost separately from what I now recognize as a real live Dragon, right there, before my incredulous eyes.

Clasping little sister to my chest, I watch in mute horror as Amri bravely charges the flying beast, squealing when one mighty paw lashes out and sweeps him off his, until he comes to a thudding halt against a jumble of beams. He is momentarily dazed, but then shakes it off and backs into my legs as he continues his role as fierce protector.

I am unable to move at the sight before me, my other dogs bravely gathering around me, fighting their own fear as they try to keep their distance of the beast that continues to watch us from where it keeps itself suspended right on the edge of the demolished tower.
It's eyes are large, sparkling with what appears to be interest when from behind an earth-shaking rumble breaks apart the last remaining wall.

Another Dragon comes into sight, mighty wings flapping noisily as brick and wood crumble around the dogs, little sister and me, before it settles on a perch just beyond what was the tower room, leaving nothing but the half-moon shape, littered with debris... and us.

Wind tugs at our clothes as we stand there, high above the ground, as more and more Dragons gather around us, their scales shimmering in the final beams of sunlight just as the orb disappears for the night behind the distant horizon.

Darkness falls with menacing speed and just as the first Dragon tentatively moves closer, its hot breath brushing me from top to bottom... I wake up.

Another friggin' dream.
Yes, it was scary, and I'm slightly breathless as I stare numbly up at the turquoise wooden planks that make up the ceiling of my cabin, but still... it would have been a marvelous adventure if it had been for real. Hah.

I grimace at the sound of Knight II and Trin Trin rough housing by the side of the bed, tugging playfully at the quilt that covers me. Chaos is right beside me; lazily opening his eyes while he perks at the realization that I'm finally awake.

Knowing that returning to the dream, in hopes of finishing the story (I always want to finish these dreams, since they make for wonderful books someday) is futile I reluctantly roll out of bed, instead.

Dried laundry needs to be folded by the time I get down to the house, but no new batch is waiting, much to my delight.
Since exercising won't have to be done until tomorrow, I decide to divert from the usual schedule a bit and make up on some house cleaning instead.
After an hour's stint with the duster and broom, and hosing down our collection of fake plants that have become so dusty over the past few months that no more colors are visible, I settle behind the computer, as I do every day, to start on yet another editing session for the Chronicles of the Asthah-Mahk, part one.

Though little can compare to dreams such as I experienced during the night, I do manage to clean up and improve a good eighteen pages before big brother and I need to head up the mountain and start on some repairs for our friend's place that needs to be ready before the end of the month.

By the time we return a meal is waiting. Dinner consists of Pasta with fresh tomato sauce, created by little brother, who makes the best darn sauces when he puts his mind to it... like he did to today.
I'm most pleased with dinner awaiting for us, since I wasn't looking forward to having to cook at all, after finishing the day's repairs up in the bungalow.

Oddly enough my stomach is very upset again today, so for a good hour after dinner I refrain from as much movement as possible to prevent the food from coming out again.
Since the Closer and Criminal Intent are on TV I don't mind all that much, and enjoy the day's shows before my stomach finally settles and I set myself to the task of painting six more drawers that will, some day, be built into the kitchen we're in the midst of designing.

By the time I clean up, have a smoke just to treat myself after a job well done, it is time to go to my cabin and prepare for the night.
Once there, and ready to settle in for a couple of hours on the net, I realize that I have forgotten my mobile connection to the Internet and hurry back to the house to search for the dratted little device that I know the dogs can shatter into pieces in less than a minute.
With the siblings' help we comb the house from top to bottom, as I despair over the loss of the necessary device that is nowhere to be found.

On the one and only occasion that I forget to put it back in my bag after use, it has somehow come down from it's niche six feet above ground, and appears to have disappeared into the stomach of some chew-happy canine.

I am literally close to tears when younger sister and I even go as far as searching outside in the dark with only a small flashlight to aid us... but it is nowhere to be found.
Just when I'm about to resign myself to several days of agony without any connection to the Net, a call from the house informs me that the device has been found, intact and safe.
Mom had located it while big brother and I were at work in the bungalow, and safely tucked it away in her own computer bag, lest the thing I dreaded most happened.

Relieved I finally connect to the Internet and start my nightly ritual of surfing into cyber world.