Happy New Year!!! Aren’t you just itching to see what 2010 is going to bring? *perky smile*
Well, I might be sarcastic about it, but I am curious as to the new year, not so much due to the “new year”, but more in the way of thinking back about last year, and realizing how much has changed in that time.
Song of the day: “I will survive” by Gloria Gaynor. Very appropriate, all things considered, hah.
So yeah, disaster struck the day before yesterday; the price cigarettes had gone up another few cents, passing the limit I had put myself (back in the day) just in case…so now it’s gotta happen, I’ve got to try to stop smoking, because…well, because I promised I would if it ever reached this point. Darn it!
I am basically a conscious smoker. Started when I was twenty four/three very deliberately, because, well, I wanted to, and because I simply do no believe in the ongoing crusade against cigarettes. Ya can yap to me all about statistics and whatever but I refuse to believe that tobacco is even remotely as dangerous as (for instance) car exhausts.
Sure, not smoking at all is healthier…in a world where there wasn’t a single polluted fluff in the air, but in the bigger scheme of things (i.e. engines) cars, planes and anything else with an exhaust, chemical factories (no matter how environmentally safe) nuclear power plants and all that crap out there, a cigarette would be little more than an annoying zit.
But, it’s an expensive one, so I’m afraid I’m screwed and need to quit.
42 hours, 37 minutes and 51 seconds gone (give or take a second or two) without the blessed, relaxing nicotine, and I’m…well, coping well enough, I guess. I’m having very distinct images of me, sitting back and lighting one up (sorta like someone prodding me all the time, and driving me bonkers) breathing in deeply, and doing it again, keeps popping up for some reason.
I’m a tad irritable…while yesterday I applied the technique, it is not that bad, today I’m doing the how-much-would-I-have-smoked-if-I-hadn’t-quit-and-lit-one-up-every-time-I-wanted: I’m at 37…ehm, make that 38, hah.
I don’t know if it has anything to do with the stop smoking bit, but for some reason I’m pretty tired since yesterday, even though I’m getting enough sleep. On the most part we’ve been doing only minor little projects. Three Christmas trees were put in the ground the other day, and were shored up today.
I got to dig a rather big hole (yes, I’ve found that keeping busy is rather helpful, hah) searcher for the water vein that has decided to come up on our property. It would be rather handy if we had our own water source this summer, but after digging out a 3 by 3 surface, a foot and a half deep I don’t know if it works out. We’ll have to see, I guess.
Four Cocker Spaniels got shaven yesterday by the sisters, which means that we need to do only two or three more dogs. (Oops, there went 39 imaginary cigarettes…boy are you going to read about cigarettes a lot the next few weeks.) Considering I’ve never tried to stop before, I’ve not a clue how long this is going to take. I am presuming that it’s going to be a lot worse…Oh my gawd, I just grabbed my lighter to light up the toothpick I’ve been chewing on for the past two days. Hah. Insanity. This is going to be fascinating; how bad are things going to get? Will I get more than a little nervous, snippy, crappy, downright upset? Am I going to scavenge for that last cigarette…oh wait, they’re just lying there, right in the open cabinet in the kitchen and I can take one whenever it gets to be too bad. Is it too bad yet? *thinks* Nah, I can last another hour, or so…I think.
Isn’t temptation horrid…will I manage it, I wonder? I don’t know, this morning it took me exactly forty minutes before I thought of a cigarette…drat, I did it again: 40!
Little sister and I made pie last night. One half was crumble peach, and the other half raspberry cherry, and the second pie was a whole apple pie. Even though we were missing several ingredients, what with the last minute decision to make them, but they worked out well; added raisins, some walnuts and almonds to the apple pie, just to make up for the lack of cinnamon.
What with nine people eating from it, you can imagine how long it lasted. Hah.
Got my “birthday” present in the shape of a new washing machine, yay! (Apparently, big brother has been putting a bit aside for the past year after all, and saw a sale he had to get) An eighteen-pounder that ‘ll cycle 1200 a minute during the centrifuge stage. Phew. It’s also a little smaller than the last one, so it fits perfectly on the pedestal in the corner of the courtyard.
Of course, when I was blissfully hanging almost dry laundry this afternoon, the beam of the lines broke of the pillar. Stupid thing, there I was, just barely managing to grab it before three loads worth of laundry went all over the dirty ground. Aaargh. Big brother hung the beam back up with metal wires for the time being, but it looks like I’m going to have to hang them all over again.
During the course of the past couple of days, I made a metal carousel like device for grandpa, over the new work bench, and it holds all the hammers. It worked out rather nicely, though I am not sure if it’s going to stay there, simply because I have no idea if it is at all handy. It seemed like a good idea when I thought of it, but we’ll have to see.
Mom finished her new quilt for me, and it is now on my bed. Patchwork always works well, and the orange/yellow colors always work well. Had a friend come over for a visit the other day, and that was a fun change in the usual routine. The dogs definitely took advantage of relatively naïve hands, that didn’t realize their sneaky technique of getting more attention.
42…jeez, even in my least frugal days I didn’t smoke that many in a day. Hah.
Wrote a total of twelve more pages for the book, bringing the total up to more than 130. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Hah.
I’ve been having a lot of déjà vu again of late, which is definitely freaking me out. I’d be in the middle of some action, like working in the carport at the new table that is just barely finished, and then getting this chill over your back when you just KNOW that you’ve done the action before, right there in that spot with the conversations going on around you, and the people, the light, everything exactly the same. FREAKY, I tell ya.
Well, I’m definitely behind today. I really should be writing on the book right now, but…I’m distracted and…well, you know why. Hah. Heck, last night I actually felt a tad light headed, and thinking of it, I’m experiencing it a bit now too. Grrr. Feels like being high, which I don’t like at all, darn it.
The worst of it is that now it seems as if I did some sort of whacky New Year’s resolution, I DIDN’T, darn it…the price just went over what I had set as a limit a few days before the year change.
So don’t come with good luck with the New Years resolutions please, the one hasn’t got anything to do with the other and I quit at midnight on the 29th, thank you very much. I HATE New Year’s resolutions. I don’t need a special day and some big party to make me change something.
Boy, I’m sounding a bit snarky, don’t I…like I told the sibs, this experience is probably going to be worse for those around me than me. You’ll see, soon I’ll be holding folks’ offers for a cigarette off with; “No no, I’m fine,” while they beg, “No really, take one…a drag then. Inhale, deeply, pulleeeease!” Images like that just choke me up. Hah.
But seriously, let’s see the next couple of days as an adventure and try to find out if I can go against the wonderful addiction called smoking, or if I’m going to give in and inhale that tobacco once more…Gawd, I really, really want to, hah.
The theory is, as long as I don’t say, I CAN’T take one (leave the option open that if I can’t take it, I can just light one up), I won’t HAVE to take one. Hah. Only time will tell if it works, I guess. *sigh*
Seeya later and wish me luck.
#43. Crap!
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