Well, let’s start with the bad news, and take it from there, shall we. Yesterday the dreaded decision was upon us once more. We postponed it as long as possible, but Bambi, a shepherd mix that came to live with us somewhere between 2001 and 2003 (he was this adorable little puppy of about six weeks old with ears bigger than his head. The Vet had found him by the side of the road and needed a home for him. We were the suckers who went for it. Hah) and has been a pack member ever since.
Bambi 2001/2003-2013
He was strange dog, not all that attached, but last year his hearing went, and the past year his eyes were rapidly going, too, and for the past few months he seemed to have convinced himself that he had no idea who we were and would fight us ‘till the bitter end if we so much as tried to pet him. Poor thing. So much fear, which had always been a problem for him but not this much, it was sad to see…not to mention unpleasant since we had to make his fear come true.
Yesterday afternoon we gave him a big sausage filled with sleep pills, basically had to wrestle him down until big brother had him in a headlock, and put the muzzle on him. Still he tried to bite, trying to fight us off. From the way he acted, you never would have guess that he was tranked to the limit, not even when we arrived at the vet.
They were waiting for us, and did offer to do the deed in the car, if that was more comfortable for him. It wouldn’t be, so big brother, murmuring reassurances all the time, carried him inside, and set him on the exam table.
It didn’t take long. Most of him stopped within thirty seconds of the injections, it was just his heart we had to wait for. Despite it all, it was good to see him that relaxed after such a long time, albeit terribly sad.
Tenant is still at the hospital. Again, luckily she doesn’t mind being there too much, so she coping, for the moment. We had hoped to be able to take her home today, but regretfully that wasn’t possible.
But enough depressive stuff. Let’s get the past couple days sorted out so I can go to bed. I’m totally running on fumes again. Okay…Let’s do this…Gawd. I am drawing a complete blank here. For the the life of me I can’t remember what I did today and yesterday. This is so frustrating. Okay, gotta go get my diary…
Right. Did get up early, both today and yesterday, which was hard, in particular since the evening before yesterday I didn’t manage to get to bed until after two in the morning. *sigh* Changing your daily rhythm is the pits, I tell ya. For me it means headaches and exhaustion. Always. Ah well, it’s necessary, so there really isn’t anything that I can change about it.
Breakfast at the moment is done right after the morning chores over edits, before I head on out to the vet to drop poor Knight off for the day. Poor darling is spending way too much time there now. I bring him in the morning and pick him up in the evening, which is getting harder every time because he hates it so much. Seriously, this morning was worse than ever since yesterday they tried something new. They took off his collar cone and put a muzzle on him so they wouldn’t have to put bandage on him and let the wound heal faster. Didn’t work. I could have told them that, but what the hey. They went out for lunch at three, only to come back to Knight minus the muzzle, licking his paw. *sigh*
But anyway, the muzzle debacle left such an impression that he got to be downright nasty this morning when I brought him to the back where he was supposed to stay for the rest of the day. Scratched my arm open before I got firm with him and told him to lie the f**k down and be quiet. He did, looking miserable all the while. If all goes well, this was the last time he had to stay.
Poor, poor darling, in particular since today Paqui shared her concern with me about his paw. Apparently she hears a grinding sound when she handles his paw, and if she didn’t know better she’d think his bones are shattered. That would be really bad. If not impossible, since he is walking on it. I can’t imagine that it’s shattered. I mean, how would it get that way, for crying out loud?
Gawd, we’ll have to see what the x-ray says.
Did catch a semi-nap yesterday afternoon, which was, quality wise, very unimpressive. If I dropped off for more than fifteen minutes it was a lot. Didn’t help much either. Hah.
Sally is doing marginally better. She answers when you talk to her, actually interacts and listens to what is going on, and yesterday she even asked to help cutting veggies for supper. I call that progress to say the least.
Supper involved potato veggie salad both yesterday and today. It was easy, nourishing, and…well, I didn’t feel like cooking. Hah.
As for the bathroom. The boiler is hanging there, the plumbing is working, and the walls are covered. With a little luck Sally and Tenant can shower there on Monday. I gotta say it doesn’t look all that bad. Very eighties, if that means anything to you. Hah. It also has a bit of a public camping ground idea to it, which isn’t a bad thing, necessarily. I should not forget to take a few pictures.
We have once again come on a crossing point in writing, where we’re going to have to make a tough decision writing wise. Either we take a chance with a “maybe, if you do this” opportunity with a publisher, or continue working on Earth Drawn, the non-romantic novel. We’d have about six months to take a rather big risk. It is a difficult choice, in particular since it would mean fundamental changes to a story that is very close to my heart. I haven’t made a decision yet, heck, I haven’t even spoken about it with friends and family (so hard to do that because you get the “you should do it” or the “how dare they” response, which doesn’t help at all) only big brother who says we should take the chance because at least it is some feedback. But for him it is just altering stuff, while for me it is messing with one of my babies. The only way I can see myself do this is basically rewriting the story and starting the characters from scratch. I liked those characters the way they were, darn it. Innocent, kind, sweet, only to have that called unrealistic, not gritty enough, and to “unflawed”. I can get the gritty part in most cases, I like gritty as much as the next person, but that was not the point of this story.
The only plus from the whole thing is that no one has complained about my writing style, or grammar, which was always my biggest concern. This is more about taste, and what is sellable. I get it, it’s just that it’s a daunting task with absolutely not guarantees. I need to give this some serious thought before I make a decision.
I think my biggest issue is that I don’t so much want to publish “a book” but that I want to be “a writer” because I love creating worlds, any world.
*sigh*
I’ll let you know what I decide.
Finally managed to get some cleaning done in my cabin. Put away clean laundry, swept the floors, cleaned my sheets and all those little luxuries that make sleep so very pleasant. Hah.
We were out for a donation again, of course, so we were kept nicely busy loading and unloading…speaking of unloading, tomorrow is market day. Yep. Our first evening market, where I’ll be heading for the hospital as soon as we’ve got our stand set up. It’ll be late, but I don’t think Tenant will mind being kept from sleep for a bit. Let’s see how the evening goes, shall we. The weather will be pleasant, according to the predictions. We’ll see.
Well, it’s half past eleven, so it’s time for me to call it a day.
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