Momentous decision

Song of the day: “Born this way” by Weird Al Yankovich. What can I say, I’m in a really, really strange mood.

So, I would like to say that all is well at the moment, but it isn’t not really. Since I got back, I’ve had maybe one day that I didn’t need to go anywhere, meaning that I feel seriously stressed out. Can’t be helped at the moment, I fear, but it is starting to take it’s toll.

What can possibly have taken so much time that two weeks have flown by, I hear you wonder. Seriously, you do not want to know how often I’ve visited my insurance agent (she was a darling, I tell ya, but I really don’t need to see her that often) went to the garage, a lawyer (on the assistance of my mechanic) and all for…naught, really. Yes, they finally agreed that I was entitled to 600 bucks for towing (yay) the car to the garage of my choice, only downside was that already 232 of that was already spent on towing the Trooper to the French garage where it had been stored (for a whopping 8.50 per day) for the past two weeks or so. So that meant that from the moment I made the decision to take the car back to Spain, I would have needed to pay that myself, and since I would then have to arrange for the tow to actually happen so much money would go down the drain that in the end we just had to give up on the Trooper and let it go. So, figuring that the insurance is not going to waste more time and money either, the poor Trooper is probably junk now. Such a pity. 

Moving on, and all that, I find is very difficult at the moment, but we are. What with the losses of funds due to the disastrous trip, the car’s break down and consequent loss, and all those little things that have been eating at what is left of our savings, big brother and I have both come to a momentous decision: Within a few months, we will be moving back to the Netherlands.
 

Yep. For the both of us, the Spanish adventure has definitely come to an end…and added to that we are going to have to find work, which is not something we feel we can do here in these troubled times; at least not enough to make a difference in the way of life that we’ve all been used to. Changes are going to have to be made, the biggest of which being the dogs.

We’ll be looking for homes for some of them, while the rest of them are going to be staying here with mom and the younger sibs, who have decided that they want to stay here and make a go of it. So for the time being big brother and I will be trying to send some money home every month and hope that it will be enough to tide them over until the younger sibs have found work.

Talking of the dogs, we lost Jelly and Matti this past month, the first of old age, and the latter had to be put down because little brother found him in serious agony one morning, basically incapable of movement. Some serious tests later, it turned out that he had a degenerative disease in his spine that made the disks grow out of shape until it paralyzed him. Scary thought that. Had never heard of something like it before.

Also had a big scare with Clue the other day. Big brother were on our way out of the house when the silly dog decided to jump out the window (about 5 foot high) and somehow managed to land wrong. He was lying there, seemingly completely paralyzed, blood on the floor around his head, and his breathing shallow, looking more like some sort of spasm. We seriously feared that he’d snapped his spine, and were more than a little weary about doing anything. So I went to get the Land Rover while big brother and middle sister carefully slid him onto a wooden board.

Next we carried him out, and rushed him to the vet, fully expecting to have to put him down.
Strangely enough, about half way there, he was raising his head, a few blocks away he was trying to sit up, and by the time we got to the vet he was walking again…albeit wobbly, and more cheerful than a drunk who won the lottery. The vet couldn’t find anything wrong with him, thankfully, but did put him on an anti-inflammatory and diuretics because it was clear that he knocked himself out hard enough to almost croak. He seemed drunk and extremely happy for several days, but has slowly turned back to his serious self. At least he’s okay.

We have been working constantly on the Land Rover. Now that we have made this decision we really need to sell it, for so many reasons that…well, no matter the reason, there really is not much of a choice. It feels like I’m losing the last thing (besides the dogs who are not things, thank you very much) that was a part of life here in Spain, so that is hard. Will have to get over it. If for no other reason than that there is no time to mourn it all. We’ve got our tickets arranged and they’re set for mid-July. Fast, eh?

No sense in postponing the inevitable, I guess.

Another thing that kept us busy is figuring out all that needs doing once we’re back there. There are long lists of places we need to go, folks we need to talk to, and of course finding a place to live. At first Cousin Ed and Tenant will be there to “catch” us, so to speak, but that should only be temporary, of course. Can’t mooch off them, despite their assurances that they’d love to have us there. Everyone needs their own space.

In regard to my varicose vein, I went to see a surgeon and heard the disturbing news that to get lasered the whole thing would cost a 1000 bucks, which I don’t have, of course. But Cousin Ed has offered to loan me the money for the operation, so I’ve told my doctor to proceed with the arrangements. Monday I will have my pre-op exams, and that same evening I will meet with the surgeon again, at which time we will talk about the whole procedure and get it all sorted. They think that we can get it all done within a couple of weeks, so let’s hope that it works out. That way I can have it all done before moving away from Spain.

Grandpa has slowly recovered from the trip somewhat, slowly getting used to a very different way of life. There are often times that he doesn’t know what to do with himself, so I have suggested that he go along with Tenant to her “daycare” meetings and see what that is all about and whether he would enjoy something like that. I just hope that he can find himself some sort of purpose over there.

Been going to the gym, of course, an average of four to five days a week, regretfully not with T, who has been too busy, which has been my saving grace really. I would have gone nutters without those workouts, that is a fact. This is definitely not an easy decision to take, but what can you do, really. Sometimes you have to let go and see where life takes you, rather than grittily holding onto that which you know.

Well, more has happened of course, but it is late once again, and I HAVE hit the highlights, so I’m

going to leave it at this. I need a glass of wine and then I’m off to bed.

Luck?

Song of the day: “Roar” by Katy Perry, but performed by a small group of young men who covered the song some time ago. I really like that version.

Right. I’ve been remiss again, I believe. It’s been a while since I wrote, isn’t it? I think that was the 28^th, meaning more than two weeks since the last post. Bad Sammi.

Anyway, let’s get to it.

I heard from my new job the other day. For a bit I was afraid that I might need to start looking for another one, seeing as I hadn’t heard anything for such a long time, but I was assured that I have until May for my training, so I didn’t need to worry. A relief that, until today I suddenly get a message asking me if I would be willing to drive this Thursday. Hello! I can hardly say no, of course, but still, that was a little sudden. Hah. No matter though. Most likely it will be the same area as where I went along with the seasoned guide, and since I am basically just following the caravan, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem. I’ll keep you posted.

In the job department things aren’t too bad at the moment. Got another small project in a store, adding more shelving, so that will add to the wallet as well. There are worries about funding, of course, but that’s in the future still, for now things are manageable.

This little job allows for some hand craft work, which is nice. Big brother has been doing some welding, while I have been sawing wooden shelves, and painting the metal braces.

The weather has been deplorable of late, except for today when the weather finally turned for the better a bit. We actually had several hours of sunshine yesterday, and most of today was fully sunny. Very nice chance, I was starting to get cabin fever again which is a problem for me lately. Very frustrating. It did allow for processing of the dog food yesterday, which was a nice way to pass the time, really. Normally grandpa does that, but he’s feeling poorly again, so we’re pitching in where he’ll let us. He’s making life so hard with all those strict rules for himself, and routines that make him stressed out. It’s the biggest hurdle he faces in a day

We did groceries, if only a little. The last couple of weeks were over budget, which simply won’t do with the little amount of money coming in. Luckily I’ve got some decent supplies going. That’s what they are for after all. It’s the sales that will save you in a tight month, right? Still, laundry detergent is expensive, fuel and all those fun little expenses. Makes a body worry, doesn’t it? Ah well, such is life.

Prepped some manuscripts for publishers, even sent out a couple more, so we’re keeping our fingers crossed for that…if you want to help out, do the same. Can’t have too many crossed fingers in that regard. Boy do we need a break in the publishing industry at the moment. *sigh*

Ah well, in the end it only comes down to finding an editor with whom we click, right? We’re weird, there should be someone out there with whom that weirdness connects, right? Some folks like weird, right? I like weird…hmmm. Okay, let’s let that go, we’ll have to wait and see.

Jelly seems to be benefiting from the Meloxicam tablets he’s getting, which is good. He was having a lot of pain, I think, probably arthritis, considering the condition of his hips. Arthur is still schlogging on, and Abacara has improved a little as well. She’s eating again, and is a little less fearful. I think she was attacked by one of the other dogs…probably Ama, who has it out for her…but she’s recovered.

A bit of bad news. Considering my varicose vein has been bothering me for a few months now, so I went to the doctor (remember the butcher I mentioned back during my head cyst days? Well, I’m just THAT lucky) and got treated to the usual. “Take of your pants, lie down….oooh, oooh, that’s bad…sit back up…I want to test your blood pressure (I assure you, his brusque behavior and me sitting there in my underpants already had it up)…too high blood pressure. No more salt. None! Take this aspirin every day, wear stocking…blood tested and a echo scan of the vein…at which point I was so disturbed I went back to the stocking bit, and asked if that was really necessary. He said it wasn’t obligatory, so the way I figure, if it was this bad, I could do without that for the next few weeks. Jeez. There were no explanations, just orders, and a vague mention of an operation…which had me ask for some clarification, which he didn’t actually give, except for saying that he would decide what to do after the tests…as if that had nothing to do with me. Gawd. I was seriously upset afterward, and completely in the dark…and two days later the blood test didn’t make it any better. The girl taking my blood wasn’t really good at it, and it took three tries, meaning I have two big bruises on the insides of my arms.

The results were startling at first, but then fully understandable. Anemia is back, darn it…not surprisingly since I ate very little meat these past few months back home, and even less of it back in the UK. Guess that is simply not possible, not with my body, anyway.

The aspirin I was prescribed to thin my blood…I was forced to quit it. (If you are male you can stop reading now for a few sentences, this is female stuff) Seriously, my monthly was scary until I stopped. Not a smart idea to take blood thinners when you already have problems with your monthlies due to anemia.

All the other things that were out of whack from the blood analysis…most of them had to do with anemia (naturally) and infection. At first I feared it had to do with the vein, I mean, I get paranoid and frightened just like the next person, but then, the day after, within six hours of a small ticklish cough, I was suffering from a full-blown cold, thank you very much. So basically the blood analysis is void (except for the anemia related stuff) and the sonogram test on Thursday I’ll have to reschedule due to the sudden work thing coming up. I am not pleased. Hah. Not that that will make any difference, but what the hey. I have decided to go to a different doctor, one who I know will at least take the time to explain things to me. If I don’t I’ll just start worrying and drive myself bonkers.

Don’t need more bonkers, not after the last couple of weeks, which were bad, stress-wise, for some unfathomable reason. Seriously, there were times when I was fighting the urge to just get into the car and start driving until I was far, far away from any and all problem pressing in on me. Wouldn’t work, of course, seeing as problems have a tendency to follow you wherever you go (them being in your mind and all) so it was a fantasy that I wallowed in occasionally. Gotta get over that. The fantasy isn’t going to do much of anything, will it?

Anyway, I’ll keep you posted on the whole mess. With a little luck, you’ll get to hear me complain about an operation that can be, according to internet reports, quite excruciating…which didn’t exactly float my boat when I heard. I’m seeing a lot of Katie Melua’s “It’s only pain” in my near future. Gotta love the pain, enjoy it, embrace it…and all that shaite. Shall I stop thinking about that, maybe I’m one of the lucky ones who doesn’t feel a thing. Seeing as my luck has been sooooo good lately.

I know, sarcasm is supposed to be unbecoming, but I do like it at times. Hah.

What else. Well, the usual stuff, daily cleaning, laundry, cooking…my appetite was out of whack again after the doctor, which is not an uncommon effect. Silly man says I should lose weight (in a way that implies that I haven’t, or something) and my stomach starts to play up, and my old dysfunctional way of thinking about food just pops up, makes eating an almost impossible task. I find it scary what kind of power a doctor has in that regard, in particular since he knows nothing about me, and since his views are somewhat outdated. I mean, this guy didn’t know I have anemia and that I used to have a whacked relationship with food, back in the day. He doesn’t know that diets for me were the disaster that had me end up at the doctors’ the last time with massive deficiencies in my blood. It is my head that’s whacked out, wondering, on rare occasions if just one more diet would do the trick, while in my logical mind it was that attitude that got me into trouble in the first place.

I mean seriously, take my lousy deficiencies, and imagine me, decreasing my food intake (which is hard to keep up at any rate, since there still are times when food pretends to be my mortal enemy anyway). I might as well start taking arsenic, or something, in the end, it would have the same effect.

It’s hard. Just that lousy little remark from the doctor, undoubtedly voiced out of concern, or some such, had me miss four meals in three days, simply because I couldn’t get past it. Not good. Gotta find my zen, my zone and get back to eating properly. I can’t afford to do this sort of thing. Not anymore.

Moving on.

Did some nice reading recently, but also started on a book I’ve been asked to review. So far I’m only 20 percent into it, and although the writing is not bad, and the mistakes minor, I am having some difficulty. A little too gritty for my taste, I think…also, the subject is not really my thing. I like things pretty, if you will. I don’t mind grittiness from time to time, but there has to be some prettiness in it, some goodness. So far I haven’t found it yet.

Been diligently writing…though less than I could have, due to some edits in between of the manuscripts that we sent out. Added to that, I had to put together some query letters and a synopsis, meaning that the actual writing got interrupted. My hero is finally coming up to scratch, though, he might actually live to become a true hero after all.

Had a funny moment the other day, big brother was practicing his knife-throwing out in the old horse paddock, and he was like really proud, saying: “See that. See that!”

Me: Very good! (while cutting dog food)

Big brother: I know. It’s not every day that one manages to hit the target like that, so perfectly.

Me: Hey. Dude. Raise your hand.

Big brother: “What?” (He did, looking at me curiously, then his armpit)

Me: Bend it. (He did…none the wiser, yet)

Me: Now pat your head, and say “Good boy.” (which is when we both burst out laughing.)

Gawd, that was good. Not often that I can pull one over big brother like that.

Went to the gym four nights a week, a couple of times with our friend T, which was a wonderful change. Get to have some nice chats with her while we are out there, meaning that we don’t get so consumed by the workout that we spent an hour and a half, rather than just one hour pumping iron. Hah. Also, it’s nice to be away from the house for a bit, unwind, look at some different walls.

Boy am I looking forward to summer when I can just stay outside all day…also looking forward to picking up swimming again. Nothing like being without gravity for a bit.

Well, that’s about all I can think of at the moment. Considering that this is page four, it should be more than enough, right? Gotta go. It’s late.

Opposites

Song of the day: “Bang Bang” by Jessie J, Nicki Minaj and Ariana Grande. I know. Very superficial of me, but the song has been in my head off and on, along with “Problem” by Ariana Grande and Iggy Azalia. Go figure.

So, too much time passed again, but you gotta admit that time passes so fast these days. I fully planned to post a blog after one week, and yet here we are, well past that mark. *sigh* Bad Sammie.

Right. So the last time I mentioned that I was going on my first Safari trip for my new job, which was, I am afraid to admit, close to a disaster.

Yep. The weather was horridly cloudy, misty and rainy, the guide/driver grumpy and I was feeling more than a little under the weather. The only good part was that the married couple, the customers of the day, were very, very nice, and kept things pleasant. Regretfully the route wasn’t a new one. It went from Monda, Guaro, Tolox to Alozaina and then back through the country. There were quite a few stops, regretfully a couple of them at rather modern little restaurants…as is par for the course in modern Spain, really…and by the time the air cleared and the lunch hour arrived, I made a slight error. Turns out I hadn’t heard part of the speech from the guide, talking to my new colleague, about us not sitting with the customers, (what I heard was: lunch is included for the guide, but you’ll be on your own since you’re just along for the ride…I interpreted this as that we had to pay our own lunch *sigh*), meaning that when I found the couple sitting at the corner table, looking a wee bit out of their water in the all Spanish surroundings, I joined them while they had lunch.

We were having a nice talk about their kids and work, but all this got the guide in a bit of a sniff, I fear, for when he came to take their orders for dessert, he told me, rather gruffly that he had said I wasn’t supposed to sit with the customers…which of course had the customers jump to my defense, saying that they  hadn’t minded and that we were just talking together. This made the guide a tad defensive, and say that the boss had a thing about guides eating with customers, causing more discomfort, naturally. I just apologized to all the parties involved and went outside to eat the sandwich I had taken along for lunch. Later, when I was in the ladies room, the female customer all worriedly asked me if I was alright (I bet I was blushing, even though I wasn’t feeling particularly embarrassed; I hadn’t heard. If I had, I wouldn’t have sat with them) and that they’d felt so sorry for me because of the whole incident.

But anyway, the remainder of the trip was spent in an uncomfortable silence before the other trainee and I were dropped off at the starting point, way earlier than expected. *double sigh*

As you might expect, I was a little ambivalent about the whole thing when I got another call for my second trip a few days ago.

Be that as it may, I was at the meeting place on the dot, and the Land Rover arrived, thankfully with a different guide. He was so much nicer, and relaxed, not to mention that he really took the time to explain stuff to me and the other trainee, and even though the four customers weren’t as wonderfully chatty as the ones of the previous trip, I had a very nice trip.

This one was way more elaborate and there were different off road tracks, and even an abandoned village, including two rather nice, real Spanish little restaurants, and going up into an abandoned castle.

Turns out that this guide had no idea what the “correction” I got was about. He said, if the customers like it, you join them, it’s as simple as that. So, I’ve decided to dismiss the not so nice experience as an aberration, and just see where things go from here. The trips were just complete opposites, that's what.

What else? Well, the normal stuff. I’ve been writing, naturally. The book is coming along nicely still. At the moment I am working towards the first real action scene, and I am definitely looking forward to that. The images and dialogues are constantly tumbling through my head, just waiting to get out there on the proverbial paper, so I hope that the present conversation I am working on is finished quickly. Hah.

There was the usual cleaning of our living area, naturally, laundry, as always, and a grocery shopping trip. How come you need to do groceries, anyway? Why don’t the cupboards just stay full, darn it!

Have been training at the gym quite a bit. Yep, this past week we even went four times, which was wonderful, despite the frequent soreness that results from three days in a row. Was nice that our friend T could join us, too, seeing as otherwise I might have begged off this Wednesday. Hah. Instead I did a mile and a half speed-walk on the machine, and quite a bit of weight lifting, so, yay. Will have to get myself some new boxing gloves one of these days. Got an open knuckle from the old ones, which suffered greatly from the past years, despite me not using them a lot ever since the disaster, the estate management job and my stay in the UK for three months.

Had another rush job at a local store. They needed more shelving, small and delicate for the tea section, which was what we worked on for a total of half a day, spread out over several due to the lousy weather. Had to go to the store to install the day before yesterday, but it turned out that you need special permission to do any remodeling in that place (one of those big commercial superstores that has small boutiques on the side) so we had to do it sneakily, make as little noise as possible, and be fast. Managed it too without a word from management, so that was good. And it looks nice, meaning that all’s well that ends well…or some such nonsense.

At the moment the weather is downright summery…loving it. In fact, as soon as I’m done with this blog, I’ll be on my way outside, thank you very much. The poplars are about to burst into leaf, the mimosas are blooming, so is the broom for that matter, the jasmine and basically everything spring like is out there in their full glory…no reason to stay inside.

Heard that tenant is going to have two eye operations in the near future. They are going to replace the lenses on her eyes, which should improve her sight substantially. We’re keeping our fingers crossed, despite the fact that the operation will take 15 minutes each at most.

Cousin Ed is enjoying her new job as a taxi driver for handicapped and disabled. From what I understand it was well worth the hassle of having to follow a course in driving (especially for this type of taxis) and applying for work.

Grandpa…I’m a little on the fence as to how he is doing. Physically he seems to be doing alright, but mentally he is struggling, I fear. He is very much withdrawn into himself, keeps himself in a very tight reign, until he gets completely stuck. I feel bad for him, but there isn’t anything I can do at the moment. He will have to figure things out for himself.

Most of the doggies are doing well…except Arthur and Jelly, who are clearly showing their age at the moment. The first is the worst, I fear. He’s hurting somewhere, but we can’t really locate it, added to that, he seems to be feeling addled quite often, meaning that something is off in his head. Added to that, he is leaking urine, getting stiffer in the hips, and remaining behind when normally he would follow where we go. A sad state of affairs.

Had another nice dinner with friends in town. I did the cooking, while T supplied a wonderful dessert, allowing for a nice evening of talk and laughter. Were rather late getting home.

Did a little bit of experimenting with cooking…which included a couple of really nice rice dishes. I will have to post them on the cooking blog one of these days, see what others think of it.

Well, that about sums it up for today. I got stuff to do, rubbish to gather, and a pick up to do, so…I leave you to it.

Gnawing

Song of the day: “Superheroes” by the Script.

Just got back from another workout at the gym. Doing a steady three days a week now, and hour every time, which is having its effect as in all my muscles are complaining a lot of the time. Hah. Didn’t help that we’re having a bit of a flue, or a cold thing going. Meaning we missed a day last week, which we had to catch up on, doing two days in a row, which was wonderfully exhausting. Seriously, we have pumped a lot of iron these past few weeks.

Had a short job these past couple of days. Involving a store that, according to the health inspector (I know those guys are nuts, but this just proved it to me) needed more shelving because having products on the floor was a hazard, or some such nonsense. Anyway, it wasn’t a big problem, solved it in a day…and might need to come back for some more, if they find that they still don’t have enough room. Which would be a good thing for us.

Have been doing some writing. Yay. Not as much as I would like to, but some and that is all that matters. My hero is sorta refusing to act like a hero, which could lead to some interesting stuff as the story progresses.

Cooking wise the only experiment I did was with asparagus. They weren’t bad, but also not something that I can’t live without. Baked them in butter, with green herbs, dried red chili, a dash of cane sugar and salt, and a sprits of lemon. I think that without the lemon it would have been great.

Doggies are doing fine, for a change, except for Sitabah who somehow got her foot in the neighborhood of Niobe, through the courtyard gate, meaning that she’s got a big gap in her foot. Which she is milking for all it’s worth. Seriously, you haven’t seen a more pitiful dog, unless of course there is a cat, or a rat to hunt, then she’ll just stand on it, and chase it.

Did some serious cleaning. A necessary thing, because stuff gets so messy so fast. There’s floors, dishes and all that jazz. Laundry, as always, stuff to haul away…no getting around that.

Grandpa, regretfully isn’t feeling well at all. And added to that, he is being most stubborn about pretty much everything. Very difficult to watch him this way. Struggling with his health, mental and physical, and no way for me to help him. What is worse, I think, is that it seems as if he has given up on life in general, which is gradually dragging him down. He won’t hold out like this for long, I fear…and the bad thing is, if things get too bad, he wants to go back to his home country, because he is afraid of Spanish healthcare and care homes.

Worries are gnawing at me, making my stomach hurt a lot, for which the training is very good. I need that hour to unwind, to let go of the worries, ‘cause it’ll drag me down if I let it. Gawd, there are days when it feels as if I’m right back where I started. Where my body was a mess, just as my head. Can’t make choices for grandpa, can’t make choices for anyone, only myself. It is something to remember.

But enough of the depressing stuff. Been catching up on my reading. Had a rather great food donation for the dogs a few days ago. Meant that we needed to do a lot of processing of veggies, bread and meat, but it was a good thing. Almost a full week of food, which is vastly reassuring.

Any day without processed dog food is a good day.

Been having a lot of company during the nights. Got Tadaika spending the night a lot these days. Same goes for Huckabee and Clue, who have decided that sleeping on my bed is a nice thing…it is for them. I, on the other hand, don’t have room, again. Darn it. Hah.

Had a nice dinner with a friend recently, which is also nice. Nothing like being out of the house for a bit, leaving behind worries and just “being”, if you know what I mean.

Well, that is about all I can think of a the moment. It doesn’t help that I’ve had a glass of wine, which is making me a tad blurry. Hah. Be that as it may, this should do for the blog this time round. I’ll try to do better next time.