Letting go....

Song of the day: “Butterfly” by Take That. I have absolutely no idea why this particular song is in my head, considering I don’t even like it all that much, but sometimes there is just no thought nor rhyme to my brain, I guess. I’ll just have to suffer through it.

Yeah, so the foot was excruciating yesterday. There was actually this cold drizzle feeling in it that felt like there was blood sliding down an icicle, or something. Hah. Seriously, I’m going to be very upset with the limb sometime soon, ‘cause those friggin’ cramps are only making it worse. No big surprise there, what with the two days of hauling a…ehm, behind. Strange how doing a lot of walking, jogging and carrying away from home has so many more adverse affects. I mean, you’d think that going up and the down the mountain, navigating through the pack, climbing up and down through the bushes would be more exhausting, but no, it isn’t. I know; I find it weird too. Hah.

Of course I am way too stressed of late, and I’ve gotta stop it before I start on that stupid downward slope again.
Seriously, what good do worries do? Can I change my financial status right this instant? Can I make dogs immortal? Can I make it rain? Can I decide how much the water bill will be? Can I stop the stupid foot from misbehaving? Can I stop the sun from rising in the East? I think not, so what’s the point? Why worry about it? Will it make me feel any better? Will my thinking about it all, over and over again--until I have ventured into every single aspect of it, chewed it over and regurgitated it twenty times--make me able to deal with any given situation better?
I think not. In fact, issues that I have pondered over for days, worried about, hassled over, taken apart and reassembled for any amount of time will either not happen at all, or I won’t be able to persecute a single solution I thought to have pondered about prior to the actual event.

Don’t you just hate it when that happens? You’ve thought about some dilemma for days on end. You’ve had restless nights about it, got heartburn, headache and enough tension humming through your body to mimic fifty cups of coffee, and then finally you come to peace with what appears to be the one and only solution to the problem. You resign in it, are determined to handle it just that way, and then…nothing. The moment you wrestled with in advance doesn’t turn out the way you planned it at all, thus nulling any plans you have so meticulously made. Aaaargh. It seriously POs me…even when it turns out to be nothing. All that wasted time and effort. Grrr.

So we’re back to the same old mantra (I always end up there at some point) “I don’t care about things I cannot change…and everything is changeable at some point.”
I’m letting go, throwing it all to the winds and I’m going back to enjoying the day again, thank you very much. It is a beauty after all. The sun is out, the temperature is 75 at most, and…well, it is Spain in at it’s best: spring-like weather. Well, up here on our mountain anyway. Hah.

Okay, enough maudlin, let’s get back on course.
So despite the overfull days I did manage to get some writing done (on paper anyway) bringing the story almost to one fourth, which is good. Yay. It is still shaping up nicely, thought of a few more transient characters and as long as I do the actual writing on paper prior to putting it in the computer, I can actually get some sort of flow going.

Just yesterday, while we were watering the plants (doing the whole veggie yard takes about three hours mind you) I got down a solid ten pages, half of which I already managed to put on the computer last night. It was tough, considering I was a tad tired and my eyes were at a constant six-thirty through out the procedure. Hah. In the end, I just had to give up and went to bed before I did something stupid, like drop face first on the keyboard.

Of course that just meant that them pesky worries continued right on through the night in those turmoil dreams that drive everyone bonkers with unsolvable problems that go on and on and on every time you wake up…which is often on such nights, mind you. Well screw it. I’m telling them worries to prove to me that things are going wrong, by actually going wrong, rather than worry about it before hand. When the time comes I’ll see what I’ll do, thank you very much.

Oh jeez, today’s blog really turned into a rant fest of sorts, didn’t it? Well, no matter, I’ll just “pretend” no one read it because let’s face it, I just spent an hour writing this crap down. It would be a shame to delete it all, for as far as I’m concerned. Heck! (just looked around) the dogs are looking at me as if I'm insane. Apparently I did the ranting bit out loud. (look around again) Luckily none of my audience was the human kind. Boy, that would have been embarrassing.

I better quit now before I start ranting about my emotions…I still think that they’re some sort of alien that found a way into my brain at some point and just refuses to go out. I mean seriously, emotions don’t have a clue as to what is helpful or not, they’re just screwing around for as far as I’m concerned. Really, something good happens and the emos are like “meh”, something bad happens and I suddenly have a riot going on inside me of “see, I told you everything would go wrong, why don’t you just sit down and give up right now. The world is going down the drain anyway.”

I mean really, what use does a thought like that have? Sure, the way things are going I’ll be pleasantly surprised if we’ll still be here fifty years from now, but I rather have a fun-filled and constructive fifty years than fifty crappy years where I sit in my chair, miserably waiting for the end to come. Hah.

Ooookay, and on that chipper note I’m saying hasta la vista and head on out so I can get to some serious writing again.