Major setback

Song of the day: “I thought I’d lost you” by Miley Cyrus and John Travolta. I know, why that song, right? Can’t help it, the ear worm of the day is the ear worm of the day. There was another one, earlier, but I can’t remember what it was. *sigh*

Right, yesterday. Well, busy as usual, I guess. Hah. There was laundry to do, feeding the dogs and all that fun stuff that takes a solid two hours out of any day. Let’s just say that it’s the small stuff that make it fun. Like this time we had about forty sausages to cut through the mix, meaning that they really, really loved it…except for night, of course, who is absolutely anorexic. I kid you not, but I (or big brother) have to stand beside him and tell him “Eat!” several times before he empties at least half the bowl. I’ve resorted to feeding him a couple of loaf of bread in the evening, just to get something into his gut. Bloody idiot.

The normal morning chores done, it was time to head down to the basin terrace where I first experimented making pattie dough. This time of lentils and rice flower, which made for an interesting texture (breakfasted on a couple of them because I need to increase my intake of iron heavy foods. The tiredness I’m experiencing of late is not good) and then got to writing.

These past couple of days I didn’t get all that much writing done, partly because of all the activities going on, and partly because my concentration is shot. Okay, now I have to explain why, don’t I? Well, recently (I didn’t want to jinx it by mentioning it beforehand, and then I had to get over it before I could mention it here, or at home. Guess I got my hopes up. Stupid.) a publisher I’d sent a query letter and synopsis wanted to have a look at my manuscript, and said publisher let me know that they have to be extremely picky in this tight economy or such. It is always hard to share this particular event with anyone, because you get the “I’m so sorry’s” and the “they’re idiots” from friends and fans, but they really don’t change the fact, do they, no matter how sweet and well meant the compassion is. I just had to get over it first, before mentioning it, I guess, otherwise I might actually end up disheartened, or something.

So you get the “Nope” and then come the doubts and the blues, and all those icky feelings that jump up when you feel like you got smacked in the face. *sigh* Admittedly, I didn’t actually get smacked in the face, but if my emotions were any indication, you’d think I was. I mean, seriously, after thinking about it for a while (several days in fact *snort*) and have come to realize that there could be a million reasons that have nothing, or very little to do with my writing. Gotta remember, always, that some of the biggest writers got plenty of nos before they broke through. (Wishful thinking is splendid, isn’t it?)

But let’s look at it logically (for as far as that is possible):The publisher could be in a tight spot and only want a “sure thing” at the moment, or the story was just off for the niche I intended it for, they could have disliked the characters (heck, even their names could have fallen wrong), the story could have been too violent, the sex to minimal, the plot too light, my sentence structure too complicated…or not complicated enough, or too old-fashioned (I still don’t like the “strong writing” even though I have tried to apply more of it), or it can simply come down to the fact that they didn’t like my “writing voice”. I mean really, it is possible, right? It is not a personal insult to me, or anything. It is a matter of taste and everyone has a different one. (Diversity is what keeps the world interesting, after all.) Why should some editor be any different? It’s allowed, just like I’m allowed to think my stories are brilliant, right?
It’s just such a pity, isn’t it? Heck, I could have been a traditionally published writer this year. I was so darn close! *stamps foot*

Ah well, can’t change it, and in the end the only thing I can do is see if I can get “better” at the writing and see if I can get through somewhere, somehow. Heck, if I can’t get it to trad-pubs, I’m going to see how they go on Kindle and sit back to see how they do with those other very important judges: Readers. Hah.

But okay, so now you know why my focus was shot for the past couple of days, allowing me only a page or two per day despite me putting in my usual four to five hours of writing. Which only increases the frustration if I’ve got to be honest.

Well, the garage called, and we could come and pick up the Opel. The part was installed and we had to pay 60 bucks. Phew. At least I don’t need to sell my liver this time…that’ll undoubtedly come when we bring in the Land Rover sometime next week, aaaargh!
Mom and little sister drove along to town, so they could do some groceries and drive the Opel home.

Strangely enough I’ve got muscle aches for several days now. I’m thinking it was the dog food hauling up the mountain, and later the jogging that caused it, so I’m definitely not getting enough exercise lately. Need to see if I can change that…well, not tomorrow, or the day after. Monday is a working day, and we’ll be lucky if we’ll be home in time to eat supper, let alone go for a jog. *sigh*

Since concentration wasn’t likely to come rolling in in the last couple of hours of the day, we decided to watch the movie Ondine, with Colin Farrel. Not as nice as I had hoped, but entertaining enough. I do love the light romance movies, despite the heavy subject in it. And Neil Jordan does manage to show a pretty picture. The little girl was adorable, by the way.

So that brings us to this morning, doesn’t it? I got an extra fifteen minutes of sleep (felt like vacation, I tell ya, hah) because I forgot to set the alarm. Yikes! It was friggin’ hot during the night, by the way. Last night the temps went up to the nineties, only dropping a fraction come morning, and making my head pound the moment I stepped away from the fan. Had to take a dip and then slurp coffee before I was remotely human again. Hah.

There were the usual chores, followed by heading down for the day’s writing session, (after a huge load of dishes, that is) some messages to deal with and of course the occasional chat online.
Caregiver and tenant were out most of the morning. A library trip for tenant, who has not been doing well at all, lately. I don’t what’s wrong with her, but it almost seems as if she is just accepting the end, or something, and is just slowly floating toward it. Nothing I can do, really, it is just sad. I am convinced that she could do way more, get better, but if there’s no will to do it…

But anyway, after the writing, it was time to head up to pick up a donation, and a food load for the dogs. Luckily this only took an hour, because afterward I had to go into the yard to water the plants, yank a LOT of weeds out, while big brother filled the Land Rover with diesel (market day tomorrow for mom, the sibs and Ed) and cousin Ed loaded up the Opel.

While big brother and cousin Ed worked on cutting the dog food, I started on the blog, in the hopes I’d be done in time to attempt another page, or two for the book. We’ll see. I still have about forty minutes before midnight. Yay.